Tuesday, March 13, 2007


Have u ever dared to dream? Many months ago, i had this problem of not being able to dream dreams. No, i'm not refering to dreams you get when you fall asleep. Instead, i'm refering to those that dreams where there are things in your life that you want to see come to pass.

Have you ever stood among people and felt as if God has forgotten you? Have you ever felt that you were just a face in the crowd? Have you ever thought that your very being is redundant and even had silly thoughts of that your existence on this face of this earth is just wasting its resources on you? Well, i had these those thoughts of condemnation and this led to me not being able to see the good that God has showered me with. I became afraid to even face tomorrow. I didn't even know what i really desire. I found it so difficult and such a chore to express my heart desires. I thought i didn't even have any dreams... Yet all this long, it was myself who limited the one who is greater in me to work through His beloved.

I see the inability to dream as a problem as this fear to see myself achieving big was somewhat preventing myself from 'launching out into the deep'. i couldn't get out of the viscious cycle of looking at myself to perform till one day i reached a point where i just broke down and started looking to God as the one who holds my tomorrow.

It was the time when mere knowledge hit the depths of my heart. It become a heart revelation in which i just know that i know that i know that my God is my daddy who loves me and takes care of every single detail of my life. Of course, there are times that i tend to look to myself to perform well even in the small things of life. Sometimes, you fear what will happen of you in the future or even to the extent that you wished you were in heaven. But hey, Jesus has already died for me so that i can live heaven on earth. He has given me the spirit of Sonship so i'm the daughter of the most high God. What or who is there that can take this Daddy who loves me and holds my tommorrow? Nothing and no one is the answer.

I started writing down things that i want to see my Daddy do for me. As i was listing down one by one not knowing how and when they will all come to pass, there was this sense of assuredness that my Daddy God is faithful and thus, it is a done deal that all the God-given desires i have expressed on this pieces of paper. I also came to a realisation that God wants every single day that i spend be blessed and prosperous even when i'm just doing the 'mundane things of life'. For instance, my Daddy would also be concerned with your physical rest a.k.a sleep. It is not how much you have slept but instead how well one have slept. It is written that 'He gives His beloved sleep.'

.... This post was written last year 26/11/06.. it's still incomplete.. :) haha..

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